Shut up and write!

I just realized that I have been TALKING way too much about wanting to write and not doing what a writer must do.....WRITE.

On any given day I have a thousand things running around in my brain--kind of like a car that stops at a stop light and everyone in the car jumps out to play "Chinese Fire Drill". When all the characters get back in the car, they have changed--not only places, but appearances and thoughts. They jump out at the next stop light to yet change again. And I think to myself that I should write those thoughts down, write how each character looks each time they change, write down their thoughts, think about what they are doing, may be doing, have done and how it might fit into a not yet formed or written story.

But lately all I seem to do is just think about writing, yearn to write, ache to write, plan to write...a story, an article, a poem, a book. I am (in my writing study) reading a fabulous blog by a young woman named Laraine Herring. She is a teacher, writer, author, counselor, a playwright and an editor. But mostly to me, she is an inspiration, telling me (through her blog)...as they say 'not necessarily what I want to hear, but what I need to hear' (but secretly...it is what I want to hear). I can not begin to tell you the words of wisdom I have gleaned from her writing, her teaching and her thoughts.

I am learning to listen more, observe more, and write notes about things I see, hear and feel. I am learning to not be afraid of my past, my personal thoughts, my concerns of the future, my love and devotion to certain people and places, present and past--the secrets of my heart--how ordinary my life seems. I am learning we all have a story and each one is unique. We all have fantasies, wishes, dreams and ordinary lives that might or might not seem ordinary to a reader. We should write.

I am learning that it's time to lighten my load--that less is more. I am learning that I can "not color" my hair and the world will not stop because all of a sudden I have decided to grow old gracefully, naturally--salt and pepper gray. It is actually very freeing. I can talk myself out of the bed at 4:30 in the morning to get on the treadmill for an hour, so I don't have to do it in the afternoon when I come home so tired. I can get used to taking care of my body so that the approaching 'older' years will not be laden with aches, pains and illness. I'm getting used to the peaceful safe retreat I now call home. It is freeing.

I am putting down on paper things that bother me. By writing my thoughts and anguishes down, I get them off my chest, out of my heart, beyond the "Chinese Fire Drill" chaos of no direction in my head. For right now I will not share all the thoughts because I don't want the whole world to know (am I an optimist or a fool to think the whole world will read my blog?) I guess I will really be free when I feel comfortable enough to share my ghosts--past and present. I am seeing as Laraine Herring wrote in her blog, that writing frees every part of my world. And as a happenstance acquaintance once told me, write it down, hold out my arms (hands in a meditation pose), deep breath in, deep breath out and let it go.

I have said a thousand times (or more) that I never seem to have the time to write. Writers make the time to write. Writers must be disciplined. Every book that I read (about writing) tells me that I must write, write, write and write some more. So this has become my new lunch half hour. I will eat a bite (or not) and write during this short window of time. Hey it's a start. And of course, as quickly as it started, my half hour is done. Times up. (for today anyway)