Do you ever wonder????

Wrote this a while back and never posted it....thought I'd post it today.

  Did you ever wonder where you might be right now....if you hadn't made the choices you made or took the paths you took...whenever?  Do you ever wonder if you'd be in the same state or with the same person...have the same dreams....have the same regrets..... have had the same joys and moments of inspiration and wonder?

What if you could turn back the hands of time to say....when you were 18 and your slate would be wiped clean and the world would be laying out before you for the taking.  I know lots and lots of people say they wouldn't change a thing because all the things they chose, all the places they went, all the people they chose to be associated with (regardless of how those relationships turned out) made them who they are today....and a really really big part of me agrees wholeheartedly (no wait...I guess it can't be wholeheartedly if it's only a really really big part).....anyway, you get the drift.

I guess I have to admit that I am one of those people that some people loathe...when I say "if it's meant to happen it will happen", "I am exactly where I am suppose to be", "everything happens for a reason".  But I'm also a person who believes that "God helps those who help themselves", "your true love doesn't just walk in your door, sometimes you have to turn the knob and walk out the door to see what/who's out there".  I'm also a "reach for the moon, cause even if you don't make it you'll be among the stars" kind of gal. OK OK those of you who know me well, know that I can also be a "oh poor pitiful me, why did that have to happen to me"....guilty as charged.

I will be the first person to admit I've made some pretty strange and not always wise choices in my life......and yes it's true....some of them didn't turn out so well and when that happened I had  "light bulb" moments about how wise my folks were when they said "are you sure you want to do that....might want to think that one through a little longer"...........but when you're young....and in love....or you think you are...(oh pleeeese...you know it happens when those hormones are new and going wild) parents ideas and speeches sometimes go in one ear and out the other as your eyes roll.....and you plunge on ahead.

If you've been lucky enough to have found that one special person and stuck it out and worked on your relationship and the years have passed and you not only are still in love...you still like each other, then count your blessings.  If not and you parted ways...even after years and years....do you ever wonder what life would be like right now, where you'd be living, what you'd be dong, if you'd stuck it out, if you hadn't made the choice to leave.  Going through that thought process may give you a queasy stomach or it may make you do back flips of joy at the decision you made....but wouldn't it be interesting if you had a magic video that could take you back to the day you made the decision and reverse that decision and move you forward over the years and allow you to see you life with another choice. (This is how I feel about past choices today)
                                            

Or on the other hand what if you were in a situation where you chose to stay, even though you knew you should leave....it's all in those choices we make.  Where would you be, what would you be doing, who else might you have met, if you'd listened to your small voice in your head that said "you need to let this go", "your time here is done"...."learn from this and move on".  Take the time to just sit and wonder....what if you'd chosen to walk away.  Yes it's in the past (or maybe for you it's your present)....no body died from wondering and thinking........and perhaps dreaming.

And likewise.....what if someone or some opportunity came along that seemed pretty interesting and you didn't give them/it more than a passing fancy....do you ever wonder where that person is, what they're doing, what might have happened if you'd taken the chance to get to know them.....where that job might have taken you, what doors it might have opened...if you'd been brave enough to take a chance.


Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you never had children, always wanted children, but life circumstances and the choices you made never brought children into your life? That's one I think about a lot.  I've learned to let it go, but I guess deep down it will always be one of the biggest regrets in my life.  I have three step-children that I adore.  But I never had the joy of a tiny baby soft and tender and so dependent on me lay in my arms and look up at me with pure trust and unconditional love.  My physical therapist said, in a discussion we were having yesterday morning about the children lost in the Moore, Oklahoma tornado, that he couldn't imagine the pain and sadness of losing a child.  He has a 9 month old baby boy and he said "it wasn't until I held him in my arms right after he was born, that I realized and understood, this is someone I would take a bullet for--no questions asked".  I won't ever know that feeling....and I wonder sometimes what that would have been like.  I had a miscarriage when I was about 22 and for one reason or another I never got pregnant again.  But that's one of those things that even though you might wonder what it would have been like....when you're 64 you just have to let go because I know without a shadow of a doubt that will never happen. (except maybe through the grace of God and a huge huge miracle only in His power!)


Did you ever wonder how long your hair would be if you'd quit getting it cut or what you might look like if you bravely cut your long locks really short. Or if you really could make a difference in the way you look and feel...not to mention the improvement to your health, if you started exercising and eating healthy (uuuh note to self...good topic for my next post on fitat99 blog).  I think by nature, we stick to what is comfortable, what we are used to....but oh how I wonder and often take action on following through with that wonder about changing up the way I look.........and oh the miracles of modern technology and makeup.  You can go from short to long with hair weaves, you can go from long to short with wigs (or a buzz cut if you're brave) and I'm here to tell you mere walking everyday does wonders for how you look and feel.  Having gone through breast cancer and being bald as a jaybird (where'd that expression come from?)....I'm pretty open to all kinds of looks.  I'm even finding in my ever evolving maturity that I am more open to and accepting of strange look (that in truth aren't always strange or bad...just not in my world of comfort).  You know "different strokes for different folks".  I don't understand the whole tattoo/ body piercing thing, but I have to confess, I occasionally see a tattoo pinned on Pinterest and find myself "shockingly" thinking hmmmm...if I was into tattoos that might be a nice one...



                                              
                                                                                                       
We all make choices every single day.....I always love the Mary Engelbriet picture that says

" There is a choice you have to make, 
   In everything you do.  
  And you must always keep in mind,
  the choice you make, makes you."

So when you think about the choices you've made,
Do you ever wonder......?